Since many vocal and politically influential people in our great republic believe that life begins at arousal, our esteemed lawmakers feel it their duty to impose these views on all Americans. Therefore I propose that a law be passed immediately stating that ALL ABORTION BE OUTLAWED, and all persons seeking or performing abortions be treated as OUTLAWS.
Of course, any reasonable person must realize that there Must be a few exemptions to such a law, and I’ve listed below those reasonable exceptions which came to mind. Being only human, it occurs to me that I may possibly have overlooked some valid exceptions to the ANTI-ABORTION LEGISLATION that I am proposing. So before I submit it to the distinguished gentlepersons of Congress, I offer it up for the review and suggestions of AOL members as a gesture of acknowledgement of the purest form of democracy yet devised by man: cyber-space.
Exemptions to proposed ABORTION PROHIBITION:
Cases of pregnancy resulting from rape, molestation, or incest.
Cases where carrying the fetus to term would be more dangerous to the mother than would termination.
Cases where delivery of the baby would cause the mother a great deal of pain.
Cases where the baby is likely to be deformed, retarded, or ugly.
Cases where the mothers’ figure would be misshapen during swimwear season.
Cases where alcohol or drugs were involved in the conception.
Cases where the mother does not wish to give up smoking, alcohol, or drugs during pregnancy.
Cases involving broken condoms or other failures of birth control devices.
Cases where father offered to settle for oral or anal sex instead.
Cases where the parent/parents do not have the financial resources to provide for the raising of a child.
Cases where coat hanger availability is limited.
Cases where arrogant mother thinks her body is ‘off limits’ to gov’t regulators.
Cases where arrogant doctors think bureaucrats have no right to practice medicine.
Cases where family pet might be jealous of new family member.
Cases where rich politicians voting in favor of this bill do not offer to adopt every single unwanted child.
…Again, these where only the fifteen MOST REASONABLE exceptions which came to mind. I’m sure there must be others, so please don’t let me leave any out. Feel Free to add your suggestions so that I can pass them on to my congress-person.
As for enforcement, rather than tying up our police, courtrooms, and prisons, with matters which should be of little or no concern to them, I’d suggest we try strictly VOLUNTARY COMPLYANCE. And of course, the punishment should fit the crime. Doctor’s violating this law should be subject to a reasonable number of community service minutes, (provided that they have the time. Doctors are very busy people, you know.) And patients should be ostracized from their house of worship for a period long enough to de-program them from the notion that their god also has some moral claim on their body.
I further conclude that after much reflection the only law needed concerning abortion is one that protects a woman
I further conclude that after much reflection the only law needed concerning abortion is one that protects a woman’s right to have one. And even THAT wouldn’t be necessary if the men in Washington weren’t inclined to believe that ROE vs. WADE is a debate over alternate ways of crossing a creek.
–Ray